Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
