he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who died my cat blue again?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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