Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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