They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
