the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
