porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
