That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
