we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's shark week go big or go home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
