I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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