"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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