I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i'm inner monologue high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
