Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
