Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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