You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
