who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
