Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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