I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
