my soul wont recognize me after tonight
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
