Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
