I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
