fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
