Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
