It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You pole danced in your parka.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
