So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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