i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
