I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
