try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
