Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
