Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
