So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize