i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
