He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
