Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize