I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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