I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And then he peed in my hair
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