So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
