who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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