Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
