making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
