i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
