I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
