sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
