tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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