break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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