Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
