I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize