You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
