By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
