So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
