I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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