I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
