he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
