So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this is an emotional support booty call
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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