You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
