i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Come on in and take your pants off
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