Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
