Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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