Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
