its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
