if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
