Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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