Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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