sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
