He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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