It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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