Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
