Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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