Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
