We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
