Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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