his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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