I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
