my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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