he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
