just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize